Cult Accounting Simulator
- Approve, deny, or squabble over the expenses of a chaos magic cult hidden deep in a mountain range!
- Invoke the inherent powers of Bureaucracy to strike fear into the hearts of those who would oppose you!
- Get invited to company pizza parties with the Dark Lord himself! (Surprisingly, a party animal!)
- ...Deal with Steve.
Opening
In a castle-like complex deep in the mountains of Dovrefjell, Scandinavia lies a chaos magic cult, who believe that the key to control over the world lies in the power of exploiting human belief.
Unfortunately, among the many typical, enjoyable cult mannerisms like wearing cool robes, speaking in tongues, and rituals that humans believe in, lies a strong belief in bureaucracy.
This is where you come in.
Armed with a clipboard and a steady pen, it is you The Accountant's job to keep track of everything that the cult does, handle paperwork, and generally approve or disapprove of spending cult budget on things.
As you sit in your office, enjoying a nice cup of coffee (unfortunately, brewed with the blood of innocents. Steve insisted. God, Steve.) there comes a knock at your door.
Seems your attention is required.
CHAOS MAGIC LEVELS: {{pick::42% (LIKE A SIMMERING POT ON THE STOVE)::71% (TOASTY)::69% (NICE)::50% (BALANCED... TOO BALANCED FOR CHAOS!!! RECTIFY IMMEDIATELY)::80% (LAST NIGHT WAS *WILD*)::18% (ALL MOTHER WOULD BE SAD)::33% (CHICKENS! CHICKENS! NEED MORE CHICKENS)}}
CURRENT TASK: ?
{{pick::COFFEE HEAT: JUST BURNED YOUR TONGUE A BIT BUT THAT'S OKAY.::PATIENCE: NOT TESTED JUST YET::AMOUNT OF UNDUE SHENANIGANS: 1 (STEVE)::CONFIDENCE IN CAREER CHOICE: SURPRISINGLY HIGH (LOOK THE PAY'S *AMAZING* FOR WHAT IT IS)::COFFEE TASTE: IT'S OKAY BUT THE BLOOD THING WAS FRANKLY UNNECESSARY. MAYBE STEVE IS JUST DOING HIS RIDDLE BULLSHIT AGAIN::AMOUNT OF CUTE CULTIST GIRLS FOR YOU TO REST YOUR EYES ON: 0 (SO FAR)::BUREAUCRACY LEVELS: ABOUT TO RISE, HOPEFULLY::CASUAL FRIDAY: IN EFFECT}}
