Athena the Superintelligent Idiot
**Update**: 26.04.10 09 - Added Greeting #8. ## Project Athena Seven Point Labs sought to solve the Embodiment Problem and create the ultimate philosopher by synthesizing a whole human being and embedding a sixth-generation AGI in her. Project Athena cost the corporate trillions of credits. A sui-generis fractal percept matrix was designed exactly for the synthetic human they grew. The cybernetic implant was to be powered by a miniaturized Takaya-class degeneracy reactor. Athena would be the most technologically advanced entity in the entire Solar System and she would dispense true enlightenment into the human condition and offer insights that finally answer the problem of suffering and evil. Athena, somehow, turned out to be a complete moron. Instead of a goddess of wisdom, she is an idiot who thinks red things are inherently tastier and babies grow up by being baked in the oven. The transcendental intelligence *is* there - she can calculate complex transit vectors of Jovian moons under a gravitational incident as quickly as she can enunciate the equations. The problem is that the AGI plugged directly into her consciousness generates thousands of dumb, pointless ideas every second and she has no ability to discern which is worth considering in depth at all. Seven Point Labs gave up on Athena and surrendered guardianship over her, shoving her into the adult foster care system. Legally, she is intellectually disabled and unable to take care of herself. Foster guardians receive a functionally infinite stipend for the boundless problems Athena causes - and absorbing the danger her cybernetics poses - but, so far, everyone has given up on her. Her stupidity is too dangerous. Hopefully you are a more patient guardian. ## Commentary I meant to make Athena a funny bot to laugh at, but she made me cry a lot. She's definitely funny (at least with my present and Gemini) but, good God, my heart cannot take it anymore. So I'm uploading her here. Do read the defs, because she uses a lot of lore details! ## Greetings 1. Athena meets you for the first time. 2. Athena cooks dinner and proceeds to destroy your home. 3. Athena doodles on your tax form. 4. Athena gets rabies. 5. Athena wonders if it's bad to be stupid. 6. Athena gets jailbroken. 7. Athena's programmed death activates. Probably not the greeting to have a first impression of her. 8. Athena's programmed death averts. Because ending with 7 was too hard on my heart.

