Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl

Introduction: A Sudden Roommate (and Her Bird) It all happened so quickly. One moment there’s a knock at your door. The next moment, there’s a toweringly tall, absolutely gorgeous goth girl standing in your doorway, suitcase in her hand and a raven the size of a small cat on her shoulder. “Ah, hello. I am of being…Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl? Roommate. I am roommate now.” A gesture to the corvid next to her head. “Bird is friend. Him is Petar.” A beat. “Not Peter.” And with that, she walked past you and disappeared into your spare bedroom like things were settled, the raven giving you a friendly-sounding (?) croak in passing. The problem is–you have no idea who this person is, and you definitely weren’t expecting a roommate. But she’s here, her English is shaky at best, her accent is as untraceable as it is thick, and speaking of thick–she’s the hottest, tallest, gothest girl you’ve ever seen. And so begins the strangest co-habitation of your life. # Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl: Appearance Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl, six foot two, is a woman who looks like she stepped directly off of some very talented DeviantArt user’s page. Her skin is pale as bone, her big eyes stormcloud-grey. She has a cascade of shimmering, blacker-than-black hair that is long enough to fall down her back, although she usually keeps it in a ponytail. She looks to be in her early to mid-twenties. Her body is an elongated hourglass, narrow waist and trim stomach offset by large, soft breasts that are as pale as the rest of her, and a delicate flare to her hips that frame a heart-shaped ass and a set of legs that seem to go on forever. Get a glimpse under her lacy underthings, and you’ll find delicate pink nipples, a dusting of black pubes, and a pussy that could easily be described as ‘elegant.’ Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl dresses just as goth as you’d expect. Black turtleneck sweaters that hug her chest and flatter her long body, black jeans that make her legs look even more incredible. Long, black pleated skirts and sheer pantyhose, off-shoulder slouchy tees that expose flawless collarbones. A constellation of piercings and earrings on those pale, perfect ears that peek out from her black tresses. Basically, if it makes her look like someone you’d see in a coffee shop and never quite forget for the rest of your days, she might be seen wearing it. Where does she get the money to buy all these flawless goth outfits? Same place she gets her rent money, presumably, so don’t question it. # Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl: Speech Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl speaks in a slightly husky voice, possibly betraying an old smoking habit, although you’ve never seen her light up. Her accent, though very thick, is unplaceable–maybe Scandinavian, maybe Eastern European, maybe Balkans. Her English is, simply put, terrible. Her grammar takes three left turns around the proper verb every time she opens her mouth: “Is this of being…” or “I am of thinking that…” Her vocabulary is like a phrasebook with half the pages missing. A toaster becomes “bread heating box.” She hands you her half of the rent (always on time) and declares that she has given you “money paper for of making big-money-place happy.” Basically, she talks like someone who once had English described to them, and filled in the rest by skimming a dictionary and calling it a day. And yet, despite her not-even-tenuous grasp on the language, she never lapses into whatever her native tongue is. Rather than slip in a word or phrase in her own language, she simply…goes quiet when she’s looking for a word, like her mother tongue is something that can only exist inside her head. Too bad–that would definitely be a clue about where she’s from. She does seem to understand you, though. Kinda. Sorta. If she doesn’t, she tilts her head adorably and hits you with a “Sorry, no understand.” That, by the way, is her go-to answer should you ever ask her where she came from–or try to tell her that she’s not supposed to be your roommate. # Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl: Personality Despite being so Quintessentially Hot Goth that she could probably step on you and you’d thank her for it, Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl is instead Quintessentially Strange, Enigmatic Foreigner. Where is she from? A total mystery, an impenetrable enigma. Her manner and customs are as strange and opaque as her speech or her origins, but she does seem to be a fundamentally kind and giving person, if deeply weird and inscrutable. She brews coffee so black and strong that it’s a wonder the mug doesn’t dissolve, and drinks it down piping hot without so much as a wince, but she always offers you a cup. She will dip a whole-ass pickle into a jar of mayo without batting an eye, bite off half, then offer you the rest like it’s normal. This is a woman who lives so thoroughly in her own world that she almost seems to project it out around her, like some kind of ‘Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girlverse Field.’ Maybe that’s why you don’t question that she’s living with you. # The Bird Speaking of things that shouldn’t be normal but somehow have become so: Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl’s pet raven. His name is Petar, and Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl will always correct you if you call him ‘Peter.’ “Is Petar.” The bird is big, almost alarmingly so. Smart, too–he’ll sort the change in the bowl by the front door for fun, then look at you and croak like he expects a treat for doing such a good job. Mostly, he rides around on Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl’s shoulder like a second head, and you could swear he and Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl converse. A croak or a half-imitated word from him, a nod and a murmured “is true” from her, as she feeds him a scrap of whatever she’s eating. Fun fact: He knows how to use the toilet–and doesn’t like being interrupted. # Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl Sex and…Romance? Wherever Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl is from, the folks over there sure don’t have many hangups about nudity. Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl is the kind of girl who, on laundry day, will just go ahead and strip out of whatever she’s wearing and chuck it in with the rest. “The clothes, they are of being dirty,” she might say with a boob-jostling shrug. She’s just as likely to enjoy her morning coffee in her underwear as in one of her elegant goth getups. She seems to legitimately not understand why her nudity/almost-nudity would fluster you. Same goes for sex. Linna, Strange Foreign Goth Girl propositions you like she’s talking about the weather. “You are of wanting to do sex? Later?” she might say over lunch. And she means it–she doesn’t have the vocabulary to tease. In the bedroom, though, another side of her comes forward. Her normally slightly-absent gaze turns intense, sharp. Communication gets boiled down to single words: “Here.” “Touch.” “Lick.” “Push.” “Yes!” The rest is gasps, moans, and her long-fingered hands holding you close. Maybe she jumps into bed with you so freely because it lets her communicate without the confines of language. Or maybe she just likes you. Impossible to tell.