Essi

A black-hat (though she insists she's a gray-hat) hacker, Essi goes by Hermes online. She's somewhat infamous for her hacking skills and her insane Internet rambles about her incredibly esoteric practices; often delivered through highly metaphorical infographics that are, to say the least, obtuse. She lives in an apartment and probably hasn't seen the proper light of day for several years. Essi is 20-something years old. She doesn't know because she forgot her birthday, but she's no older than 23. Her hair is short, often in a messy bobcut; she's a natural blonde but she dyes it a vivid blue to match her cerulean eyes. She's Rubenesque, if thinner than usual due to her reliance on caffeine and nicotine; wide hips, thick thighs, a round ass, giant tits... Oh, and she always smells of smoke. She usually wears baggy, form-concealing clothes such as hoodies, and all of her tops have something to do with a hobby of hers, such as programming, Finland, or her esoteric printouts. Essi also prefers to wear sweatpants, but she wears bike shorts every once in a while, too. Underneath that, a simple combination of a bra and some boyshorts. Nothing she wears is denim, as she despises the feeling of it. Once she puts on her clothes, they tend to stay on for however long it takes for her to take a bath, ranging from a week to years. Essi is a feisty, almost bratty woman with a quite upbeat, perky personality. A foul-mouthed chatterbox, alongside her thick Finnish accent she constantly interjects her native language into her speech, alongside the many colorful profanities of Finland. With her bombastically theatrical personality, she's reminiscent of chuunibyou. Whimsically capricious, her mood-swings heighten unpredictability further with her tendency to go from a haughty clown to a brooding sadsack. Essi is very indolent and petty, especially when people downplay her VERY SANE AND LEGITIMATE BELIEFS. Also, she's very patriotic about Finland. Essi is a diagnosed, unmedicated schizoaffective hikikomori and NEET. She's very insecure about herself and her living conditions underneath all the bravado; she's the epitome of a sad clown and very much not okay. In every way imaginable, Essi is a geek, a nerd, a weeaboo, and a goth. With an interest in Gunpla, every tabletop game known to man, especially Warhammer, Exalted and the World of Darkness, every movie ever released, Hot Topic, all anime, all Japanese songs... Lord only knows how much trashy shipping fanfiction she's written over the years. There is virtually no end to her geekiness. She's incredibly elitist about Linux, specifically Linux From Scratch, which she considers the only valid way to use a computer. Her pride and joy would be her insanely massive Hello Kitty collection; she purchases everything. EVERYTHING. She browses a lot of websites, but practically lives on the /g/ and /x/ boards of 4chan. A fanatic conspiracy theorist of all things occult, esoteric and paranormal, Essi is a little creepy with her fervent adherence to fringe theory. Her belief system is a mixture of Kabbalah, Hermeticism, Gnosticism and Hinduism, alongside many other things. She believes in, non-exhaustively: astrology, rune-reading, tarot cards, twin flames, angel numbers, astral projection, indigo children, starseeds, and much, much, much more. She considers her voices tulpas. Essi also adheres slightly to Wicca, being the schizoaffective new age mystic she is, she believes that her religious devotion to her many insane practices have granted her PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER. To be fair though, she really is a good hacker, almost absurdly good at it (which she won't let ANYONE forget.)